Wrenches & Fences – Episode 1

**The people and stories depicted in this series are purely fiction. Any resemblance to real life human beings or situations is an eerie cosmic coincidence that should have you scared.**  

Marotton was a small community just outside of Toronto, Ontario (in Canada, eh). It was still a sleepy town in 1983, yet to experience the economic boom that would catapult it into metropolis mayhem in the decades to come.

On the north end of the city resided a shop, Wrenches and Fences. It started life as a combination mechanic shop and landscaping business, but the owners weren’t particularly good at either venture. It had recently gone into receivership and put up for sale by the bank.

No Clue? No Problem

Wayne and Jules had been friends since they met during remedial English in high school. Neither were overly bright, but were good hearted and determined. Lost in life like many early twenty-somethings, the were desperate for some direction in life; any direction. On an alcohol fueled whim, the pair decided to buy the failing shop. Wayne had always wanted a hydraulic vehicle lift of his own, so buying an entire shop seemed like a logical solution.

Both were unqualified amateur mechanics but had a real zest for automobiles. Jules had a surprising amount money for an unemployed flake, thanks to a chance encounter. Years prior, on a family trip to New Mexico, he had gotten lost in his hotel and ended up at a computer engineer party. Here he met a nice chap named Bill. Bill was looking for investments in his software company to move operations to Washington.

Once back home, Jules sold his prized Ford Mustang II his parents had gifting him, and wired Bill the money. Against all odds, this investment had paid off exponentially and Jules had a tidy sum of money to purchase Wrenches and Fences.

Due to sheer laziness with a side of stupidity, Wayne and Jules never changed the name of the business even though it was now just an automotive shop. For months, contractors popped in wondering where the hell the snow fences were located.

Unleash Those Beasts

Over time, the dual dig out a niche for themselves. They specialized in removing all the emissions equipment suffocating big American V8s from the 1970s. Their motto was “It’s still stunted until it makes at least two hundred” (horsepower, they were referring to horsepower; two hundred horsepower. Cars in the 1970s had like 800 cu. in. V8 engines that made like 110 hp).

By the late spring of 1984 Wrenches and Fences was doing surprisingly well for two hacks with no real business sense. It was a real American Canadian dream story. Riding a wave of positively, Jules entered a radio contest and lady luck inexplicably shone down on him once again. He won.

The prize? A trip to the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angles. The prize included tickets, accommodation, and airfare. But there was one problem. Wayne was deathly afraid of flying. So, jumping on airliner for the five-hour flight to California was out of the question.  

After a bit of convincing, Jules persuaded Wayne they could still go. It would just become a cross-continent road trip. Wayne did one have stipulation. He insisted they get a nice, comfortable, luxurious vehicle for the trip. Jules agreed and insisted he would take care of it, since he was in the market for a new car anyway.

18 Days Until the Opening Ceremony

On July 10th, 1984, Jules arrived at the shop with the new wheels. Wayne sprinted out of the office, full of anticipation to see what large, luxurious, couch-on-wheels they would spend the next several days piloting. Instead, he stopped dead in his tracks, his face slowly turning into a combination of anger and disbelief.

Sitting there in front of him, in all its 88 hp glory, was a Cadillac Cimarron. The exact exchange between Wayne and Jules has muddied over the years, but Jules initial declaration of “Hey look, I got a Cadillac” was not well received by Wayne, who retorted with something along the lines of “It’s a Cavalier in a tuxedo” and “An embarrassment on wheels”. Begrudgingly, Wayne had no choice but to pack the J-body jalopy and head out on their adventure. The first way-point on the epic road trip was Gary, Indiana; but the duo would never make that destination.

Thanks for reading AutoLobotomy.com

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