The people and stories depicted in this series are purely fiction. Any resemblance to real life people or situations is not intended, I swear.
Every epic road trip needs a soundtrack. Jules had this covered. He’d brought his prized eight-cassette carrying case. Things began with Canadian great Andy Kim’s Rock Me Gently blaring through all four of the Cimarron’s speakers.
The trip to the Fort Erie border from Marotton was uneventful. In a little over two hours the duo was pulling up to the U.S.A. border guard. Asked where they were headed, they inform her of their plans to attend the Olympics in Los Angeles. The guard eyeballed their Cadillac and replied, “In this?”
Perturbed but respectful, Jules nodded his head and they were on their way. Now in the land of bald eagles and freedom, the first leg of their journey was a straight shot west along I-90 to Gary, Indiana.
Unleash the Beast
The long, repetitive interstate had the pair bored within an hour. Jules decided that was the perfect time to open the car up and see what it could really do. He floored the accelerator, and after what felt like a week and half, the Cimarron crept up towards its top speed – 90 mph.
Thoroughly scared at this point by the shaking and vibrations, Wayne pleaded with Jules to slow down. It was at that precise moment they blew past a state trooper. Knowing that outrunning the smokie was not an option, Jules had reluctantly pulled over.
After much pleading and talking out of their collective asses, they had somehow convinced the Trooper it was simply a reverse metric conversion mistake. Wayne and Jules were once again on their way; albeit with much lighter wallets. The next few hours were spent in relative silence as Wayne played DJ, pumping out Chicago’s album Chicago in honour of approaching Chicago.
East Meets West
But they weren’t approaching the windy city. Far from it. As the giant Welcome to Maine billboard materialized on the horizon, Wayne knew he’d shit the bed on directions. He had accidently sent Jules east and not west on I-90 back in Buffalo. How they hadn’t noticed until now highlighted the friend’s absolute lack of intuition and awareness of their surroundings.
Trying to make lemonade of lemons and all that, Wayne quickly improvised and stated they should head south and visit New York City. Might as well have one hell of a night in the big apple.
As the sun was setting, the duo crossed the 145th St Bridge into Manhattan and headed south towards Greenwich Village, “where the Hippies and good drugs are” Jules had explained to Wayne.
Not much is known or remembered about that night, but rumor has it, decades later a major motion picture would be made about their drug and alcohol fueled night. (although the movie would-be set-in Las Vegas based around a bachelor party).
Taken Too Soon
The next morning consisted of hangovers that could cripple a moose. Jules and one-shoe-Wayne (he’d lost one last night…or sold it…he couldn’t remember) pulled themselves together and went to check out of their hotel. In reality, it was just an apartment of a couple of college dropouts, but they were more than happy to charge these two confused Canadians $50 and sent them on their way with a continental breakfast; a piece of moldy toast.
It’s important to point out here that New York City in the 1980s was not the tourist sweetheart it is now. It was rife with crime. And the poor Cadillac had not been spared its wrath. All four tires, three doors, the steering wheel, and most of the dashboard had been liberated overnight.
Jules and Wayne were now carless in Manhattan, with a mere 17 days left until the opening ceremony.
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